Interview with Guy Fresh from Barber

Got hair cut?

Yep.

What do you think about it?

Eh, I've had one before.

Are you going to do it again?

Probably.

Okay. Thanks for talking.

The Deal

Dear Big Hair: What's the deal with hair? --Scottie

Dear Scottie: You tell me.

Clearly, you're don't get it.

Take a look at something as simple as a music video. I'll reference two from the eighties that I saw just this evening: A-ha's "Take On Me" and Kraftwerk's "The Model." Now, back in the eighties, which band was IT? That's right. A-ha. Kraftwerk, while nice "musik," was nerdy. Now take a look at the hairstyles of the two groups. A-ha--big, well-crafted doos. Kraftwerk--clean-shaven, clean-cut, might as well be your dad.

In "Take On Me" a girl drops in to a cartoon she's so enamored by the band leader's hair. Later, she takes the cartoon home just to lust after his picture.

In "The Model," by contrast, the band stands around a clean studio making "musik." They sing about models, women models, with big hair--who they can't have. Clearly, the women got it here, but the men didn't. Kraftwerk should have taken a page out of A-ha's notebook. If they had, the model would have been a song of seduction rather than of longing and loneliness.

That, my friend, is the deal with hair.

True Love

Dear Big Hair: Will I ever find true love? --Mandy

Dear Mandy: What do I look like? Your horoscope? Tell me something about your hair. Maybe I can tell you.

By the way, Mandy, if you want to know about love and hair, a good place to go is the movies. I've been checking out quite a few lately, and hair has played at least a part in each. Last weekend, for example, Nick Nolte in Off the Black, in a crucial scene near the end of the film, put on his umpire costume and . . . quaffed his hair. It had to be perfect under the cap. Think about that next time you watch the ballplayers out on the diamond. They've probably spent not only hours in batting practice, but probably another few minutes in front of the mirror with a brush and comb--and their cap.

The thing about baseball hair is it's got to look good with a cap. For hair advice and questions, write to No1bag@gmail.com.